dealing with depression

[leejooheon]

 i've been really struggling lately. not in the way i used to, when i had thoughts of suicide on my mind constantly, but in the more quiet way where i enjoy life, and i do feel happiness but i find it extremely difficult to exist regardless. i'm glad i'm alive, and i no longer want to die as much as i did, but it's fucking terrible to do simple chores like doing my laundry or even getting in the shower. i think that's been the hardest part about the depression for me, i feel like i can't work like other people do, like everything is so much more difficult. it's the getting started part that i struggle with the most.

today i did nothing of what i was supposed to. i didn't do any studying, i didn't do laundry, i just stayed in bed all day and only got out of it to shower, eat, and look after my dog. i feel kind of useless, honestly?

i think i've been hoping there will come one day where doing chores is not difficult for me anymore, but i've been wondering. what if it never gets easier? it certainly hasn't yet. and i have to find a way to do things even if it doesn't.

Comments

[profiterole_reads]

*hugs* Maybe try doing it little by little with a reward afterwards (a TV show, chocolate, whatever works for you)?

[leejooheon]

i was considering that! i think i'll give it a shot.