Wrapping up the week
Oct. 13th, 2023 07:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leejooheonSince it's friday, I thought it would be nice to just talk about how my week went. I'll be honest, it could have been better. I didn't do anything super interesting. And then I got sick. I'm hoping I start feeling better soon because I'm already so annoyed. I'm taking these meds that help with the pain but they are rough on my stomach.
I found myself listening to quite a bit of Daft Punk these last few days. Last week one of my friends made me watch Trolls World Tour with her, a very bad movie, and they used one of their songs near the start, so I guess it just left me in a big Daft Punk mood. Despite always having a fondness for their music I don't think I've ever listened to any of their albums in full, so I gave Discovery a listen and it was pretty good. Not my favorite album ever made, but extremely enjoyable. Daft Punk in general are one of those artists I can't really listen to without fully sitting down and paying extreme attention to their music. It has something to do with how satifying and bouncy their songs sound, there's something very hypnotic about them.
Other than that, Xdinary Heroes released a new mini album and I hate to say it, but I was a little bit underwhelmed? It was not bad by any means, I think I just loved their last release so much that I had very high expectations for this one, so when it didn't live up to that I found myself a little disappointed. The title track was fun, they always do very fun things with their instruments that scratch an itch in my brain, but I do think the chorus itself was lacking. Something about it just didn't connect with me, which is a shame because I really did enjoy the lead up to it. The rest of the songs in the mini album were fun, but I think they could have been a bit more varied. They really leaned into their emo angst vibes for this release, which is not a good or bad thing, just something I noticed. I think their previous releases were a little bit more edgy and I kinda hope they bring that energy back for the next release. My favorite song from this one was Enemy. Like I said, the vibes overall felt very emo and I think this one channels it the best. I'm listening to it as I type this and I really like it, the singing is great in all their songs but I find it so satisfying in this one specifically. Jungsu specifically has such a distinctive voice that does something to my brain, I adore his singing so much. I also really liked Bad Chemical! The instrumental for it is REALLY good.
Their music has consistently really been to my liking. I find them so weirdly nostalgic despite being a really new band, they just feel exactly like the type of annoyingly edgy music I would have loved as a 13 year old that is nowadays considered cringy. It's nice to see someone still filling that niche, especially in the kpop/krock space where that's never been a big trend. I would love to join their fandom more properly but I'm just sorta distant from kpop at the moment. I still listen to it, I'm just not really paying attention to the community or the news. I miss it, honestly! And I miss Monsta X specifically so much. It's genuinely really hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I won't get to hear any new releases from them after getting used to their consistent output. Anyway, all this to say, I really want to get back into kpop, but I also don't have any control over what I'm hyperfixated on. Me and kpop have always been really on and off, so this isn't unusual, I know I'll fall down the obsession rabbit hole sooner or later.
Speaking of kpop, my friend told me to listen to the new TXT song and it was really good. Very 80s. I liked when TXT was still doing the "cute" thing but I'm happy they've outgrown it because the songs they release now suit them so much better. TXT is one of those groups I should probably listen to more.
To change the subject, I had a really nice moment with my dog yesterday! We both sat together outside to take the sun and it was so peaceful. For a second I just felt so overwhelmed with love and happiness. I am so thankful that he's a part of my life. This last year I've been thinking about about my mortality. I used to be terrified of death, and I think I still am. That's pretty normal, I think. But the terror I used to feel back then was a whole other thing. It ended with this horrible existential crisis and panic attacks that lead me to seeking psychiatric help. Since then I've gotten better, thankfully, but I hate the idea that the things I love and care about aren't permanent, that the little moments of joy won't last forever and I won't be here forever to experience happiness. I think a lot about my own death, but I also think about my dog's death quite a lot and that's even harder to grasp. The idea of my own death is terrifying but the idea of my dog dying is devastating. I think about it a lot because he's getting older and that's made me confront the idea that he won't be here forever and that I genuinely don't know how I'll react or process it when it inevitably happens. It usually causes me really great pain to think about. It feels bad to write about it right now. But I wanted to mention it because yesterday, being with him under the sun, I found myself thinking about death again. His death and mine. But instead of feeling sad, I just thought "I'm so lucky that we got to know each other" and that felt really nice.
I found myself listening to quite a bit of Daft Punk these last few days. Last week one of my friends made me watch Trolls World Tour with her, a very bad movie, and they used one of their songs near the start, so I guess it just left me in a big Daft Punk mood. Despite always having a fondness for their music I don't think I've ever listened to any of their albums in full, so I gave Discovery a listen and it was pretty good. Not my favorite album ever made, but extremely enjoyable. Daft Punk in general are one of those artists I can't really listen to without fully sitting down and paying extreme attention to their music. It has something to do with how satifying and bouncy their songs sound, there's something very hypnotic about them.
Other than that, Xdinary Heroes released a new mini album and I hate to say it, but I was a little bit underwhelmed? It was not bad by any means, I think I just loved their last release so much that I had very high expectations for this one, so when it didn't live up to that I found myself a little disappointed. The title track was fun, they always do very fun things with their instruments that scratch an itch in my brain, but I do think the chorus itself was lacking. Something about it just didn't connect with me, which is a shame because I really did enjoy the lead up to it. The rest of the songs in the mini album were fun, but I think they could have been a bit more varied. They really leaned into their emo angst vibes for this release, which is not a good or bad thing, just something I noticed. I think their previous releases were a little bit more edgy and I kinda hope they bring that energy back for the next release. My favorite song from this one was Enemy. Like I said, the vibes overall felt very emo and I think this one channels it the best. I'm listening to it as I type this and I really like it, the singing is great in all their songs but I find it so satisfying in this one specifically. Jungsu specifically has such a distinctive voice that does something to my brain, I adore his singing so much. I also really liked Bad Chemical! The instrumental for it is REALLY good.
Their music has consistently really been to my liking. I find them so weirdly nostalgic despite being a really new band, they just feel exactly like the type of annoyingly edgy music I would have loved as a 13 year old that is nowadays considered cringy. It's nice to see someone still filling that niche, especially in the kpop/krock space where that's never been a big trend. I would love to join their fandom more properly but I'm just sorta distant from kpop at the moment. I still listen to it, I'm just not really paying attention to the community or the news. I miss it, honestly! And I miss Monsta X specifically so much. It's genuinely really hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I won't get to hear any new releases from them after getting used to their consistent output. Anyway, all this to say, I really want to get back into kpop, but I also don't have any control over what I'm hyperfixated on. Me and kpop have always been really on and off, so this isn't unusual, I know I'll fall down the obsession rabbit hole sooner or later.
Speaking of kpop, my friend told me to listen to the new TXT song and it was really good. Very 80s. I liked when TXT was still doing the "cute" thing but I'm happy they've outgrown it because the songs they release now suit them so much better. TXT is one of those groups I should probably listen to more.
To change the subject, I had a really nice moment with my dog yesterday! We both sat together outside to take the sun and it was so peaceful. For a second I just felt so overwhelmed with love and happiness. I am so thankful that he's a part of my life. This last year I've been thinking about about my mortality. I used to be terrified of death, and I think I still am. That's pretty normal, I think. But the terror I used to feel back then was a whole other thing. It ended with this horrible existential crisis and panic attacks that lead me to seeking psychiatric help. Since then I've gotten better, thankfully, but I hate the idea that the things I love and care about aren't permanent, that the little moments of joy won't last forever and I won't be here forever to experience happiness. I think a lot about my own death, but I also think about my dog's death quite a lot and that's even harder to grasp. The idea of my own death is terrifying but the idea of my dog dying is devastating. I think about it a lot because he's getting older and that's made me confront the idea that he won't be here forever and that I genuinely don't know how I'll react or process it when it inevitably happens. It usually causes me really great pain to think about. It feels bad to write about it right now. But I wanted to mention it because yesterday, being with him under the sun, I found myself thinking about death again. His death and mine. But instead of feeling sad, I just thought "I'm so lucky that we got to know each other" and that felt really nice.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-14 05:45 am (UTC)I have a lot of animals, and I have already had to deal with the deaths of several, over the years.
Your feelings are pretty much spot on. An animal's death is very difficult to deal with. The biggest thing for me is to make sure I have been a good guardian throughout their lives, as much as I can. To make sure that I did take them to the vet, to do my best for them if they are ill, or old.
After that, there just isn't anything else that can be done. Mortal is mortal. It still really hurts. In many ways, they are more intimately close to us than almost any human bond we've ever had.
It feels so personal, in that usually their death FEELS like we should have done something else for them, but generally speaking there are limits to that. It's very tough to be the one to make the call to take them to the vet, but take it from me, the feeling that it might be best to let them "die peacefully at home" is powerful, until you realize that an animal can go through days and days of suffering when they are at the end. It's really just better to let them go.
Until then, your dog already has had a better life than so many other dogs out there, with a loving owner and a warm home, and that's a pretty nice life.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-14 04:37 pm (UTC)