that good old fashioned razzmatazz

I meant to make this post much earlier, but I just haven't been active here much and it ended up slipping my mind. But I'm here now, and I'm thinking about kpop, so it feels like the perfect time to make this post.

In 2022 I decided at the end of each year, I would make a playlist with my top 20 kpop songs of the year. In 2022 that playlist was just for me, but since now I have a space like this where I can ramble to my heart's content, it gives me a perfect excuse to rant about the songs I picked for 2023. Keep in mind I generally stick to listening to same few groups, and last year I wasn't very hyperfixated on kpop, so there may not be too much variety, and this is just for fun.

20. Blame by I.M

I knew I was going to love this song the moment I heard it in the teaser. There's something to ethereal about it, and it captures the eroticism in Changkyun's music really well. In general this album was very sensual, but this song in particular stood out to me in that sense. It's sexy but melancholic, and if that isn't peak Changkyun I don't know what else is. The instrumental is extremely pleasing to my ears.

19. Enemy by Xdinary Heroes

Very much in love with the emo angst that this song exudes. I've said before that Xdinary Heroes feels very nostalgic to me and reminds me of the edgy music I would listen to when I was a kid, and this is another one of those songs that just gives me so much nostalgia despite it being really new. I adore how those instruments sound and the emotion in the singing is really good. It feels very MCR esque somehow.

18. Groovy by Cravity

Cravity went from one of those groups I had 0 interest in to one I'm super excited to hear more from in the future. Ever since Adrenaline released and they've been leaning more into the cuter, upbeat concept, it feels like the group has finally found their identity. This song is like sugar in a song, it just injects serotonin directly into my veins.

17. Evolution by Joohoney

This song takes a little bit to really get going but once it does it's such a blast. It's energetic and uplifting, which is not uncommon for Jooheon's music. I found the genre to be really interesting, I don't believe he's ever released anything like this and I'm really glad to see him try new genres. The little monologue in the middle of the song always hits me, it's just really good delivery mixed with a really pretty instrumental. It's an upbeat song with an air of sentimentality.

16. Chasing That Feeling by TXT

Very retro, which I love. That instrumental is just addictive in the best way possible. I was obsessed with this song for weeks after hearing it the first time. That chorus is really good, in general I think the melodies of the singing are great. I have very little to say about it other than it is just really good.

15. Bouncy by Ateez

I am kind of in love with this song. Which is suprising because there's a lot about that I think shouldn't work but it somehow just does. It's so extremely fun to listen to and just a huge mood booster, it makes me want to get up and do something. This was such a memorable release for me honestly  and one of my favorite Ateez releases ever, I just can never get sick of it. I've been adoring the darker vibes of all their recent music,

14. Sweet Venom by Enhypen

Another song with a retro vibe. I talk a lot about instrumentals but that's just because kpop is kinda great at making those and this is another good one, it just really pulls me in, and the chorus is so extremely fun. But the pre chorus is where it's really at.

13. Best Friend Ever by NCT Dream

I make it no secret that I don't really like NCT. I find their music obnoxious and tacky. But a lot of the recent NCT Dream releases have been surprisingly enjoyable to me, and this one has not left my mind since I first heard it. It's just joy in a song. It puts me in such a good mood whenever I hear it. It's really bouncy and fun. If rays of sunshine were music they would sound like this.

12. Fly by Cravity

As much as I love Groovy, this was THE biggest hit for me from Cravity this year. I cannot get over how catchy that chorus is, it just fills me up with so much joy. I also feel like this song has a bit more variety in terms of melodies, which makes it a superior song compared to Groovy to me. I frankly think this may be my favorite Cravity song ever, it's just absurd how good this is.

11. Guilty by Taemin

No one does sexy music quite like Taemin does, I don't think that's a secret. He is a sex god to me. This song is sensual but in a very classy way, and as always Taemin's voice is just mesmerizing. There's something so hypnotic about this song.

10. Freakin Bad by Xdinary Heroes

Definitely my favorite Xdinary Heroes title track so far. I adore the melodies here, I just find them so fun. It has that edge that I like about their music but in a more upbeat and refreshing way. The instruments sound incredible in this one, particularly near the end, they just really outdid themselves with this one in my opinion.


9. Fighting by BSS

This song will live on in my mind as one of the most memorable kpop releases I've had the pleasure to witness. This song was everywhere for a while and for good it reason, it's really good and it has a lot of character. I think you can tell I really like upbeat, cheerful music from my picks for this list, and I think Seventeen are fantastic when it comes with that, so it's no surprise to me that this song is as great as it is. The sentiment of the lyrics is also very sweet. 

8. Monologue by Joohoney ft. GSoul

Lyrically this was definitely the best in the album. The jazzy feel is really neat, it's just overall such a warm and pleasant song, it feels like an embrace. Jooheon has some fantastic delivery and GSoul gives a really nice feeling to the song. This is one of those songs where I can just feel how much love went behind it, and that makes listening to it so special.

7. Lone Ranger by Monsta X

First mention of Monsta X on this list outside of their solo work. I am a little bit obsessed with the sexy cowboy concept, why do they keep doing that. In any case,I think everyone gets really great lines in this song and that instrumental makes me bop my head, it's really great. I am obsessed with that chorus. Hyungwon is great at making music, and I find it impressive that so far he hasn't released anything I dislike. He's been extremely consistent when it comes to the quality of his work.

6. Habit by I.M 

This was my favorite song on the album. Changkyun's voice sounds really beautiful in this and gosh, I adore the jazzy vibe he went for this one. It's a really sexy song too. It's been really interesting to observe Changkyun's singing improve over the years and I think this song is a testament to how far he's come because he sounds really great. I adore how angsty this is as well.

5. Killer by Key

What can I even say about this. Yet another retro song, although there's a futuristic quality to this one that I really like. Key as always is an incredible singer that I can't get enough of. This is just a really great listen, great singing, great instrumental, it's a banger.

4. Man In The Box by Xdinary Heroes

There's been a lot of Xdinary Heroes in this list, huh. What can I say, I've been really enjoying their work. This song is my favorite thing they've ever released. It has big Set It Off vibes that I adore, this just truly feels like something from the 2010s. And that's what makes Xdinary Heroes so great, they keep the art of making edgy music alive in a world where that's just not as common anymore. And especially in the kpop space, this is a relatively new thing, and I'm in love with Xdinary Heroes making the kind of music I would hear in a shitty AMV when I was 12. They've brought back a style of music I really love and I just respect that. 

3. Dystopia by Kingdom

Man, Kingdom is painfully underrated. They have such a distinct style compared to other modern kpop groups, I keep hoping they'll blow up because they absolutely deserve it. This song feels so big and elegant, it's captivating and feels like a journey. It's a really beautiful listen that I wish got more recognition. I think this is probably my favorite Kingdom song as of now.

2. Freedom by Joohoney

I adore music with big genre/mood switches and this was one I really did not see coming. I think it works really well, I love the contrast with the angelic parts of the song and the harsher sections. The chorus works really well as a way to connect them both. Jooheon had a really good year before enlisting and when I listen to this I get so emotional thinking about his growth as an artist. I think this is a perfect encapsulation of everything that makes his music his. The more aggressive elements, mixed with Jooheon's softer side and the way Jooheon's voice gets to shine. It's a really bold song that I think came out really well and I'm just so unbearably proud of this guy and all his growth as a performer. Gosh, he makes me all emotional.




1. Crescendo by Monsta X

Yet another Jooheon song, except this time it isn't from his solo work. I am in love with everything about this. Every single second of the song feels like it pays off, there's some really fantastic delivery from everyone and the instrumental is just a pleasure to listen to it. The colder nature of the chorus really appeals to me too. I want Jooheon to make songs like this forever.

 I'm so bad at selfshipping. I keep trying to read self insert fanfiction, but it feels... awkward.

My latest kpop boy obsession (Joohoney) has me sooo infatuated. I could talk about him for hours, and maybe some day I'll talk more about him and my affection for him. But all you need to know for now is that I'm very attracted to him, and I'm bad at coming up with scenarios on my own, so I've tried fanfiction and it just doesn't click. It's a lot of things, I think. Self insert fantasy are in general hard for me to get into. The immersion is just not there, and it's so hard to read this stuff without going "I would not fucking say that."

But then there's how my queerness affects my attraction to him, and how most fanfics can't possibly capture that feeling. I'm not romantically interested in men and, as pretty as he is, Jooheon isn't an exception.

But it's also not purely sexual attraction either. I'm incredibly emotionally attached to him, just in a very weird specific way. I want him to be my friend, but also fuck me, and I want to kiss and cuddle him, but without any sort of commitment. I want him to be my boyfriend, but the kind of boyfriend you have a passionate and life changing relationship with and then break up with once you're bored. I want to be his best friend, more than anything. His fuck buddy, maybe. I want to be his boyfriend and him my girlfriend. I want him to be my queerplatonic partner. I sound unhinged, I think.

Today was a very uneventful day, and sometimes I would feel guilty over not being productive enough but I feel really good today. I think I needed to get some rest, it's been really cold.

Despite some of my more depressing recent posts, I actually have noticed my mood improving recently. I think my meds are having a very positive effect on me. I've noticed myself really appreciating the little things and just feeling happy for no reason.

Right now I'm listening to my kpop playlist and having a great time. I haven't been listening to kpop much in the last few months but I've been getting back into it recently. It's so much fun, honestly! It feels good to be feeling passionate about it again.

In particular, I've found myself thinking about Monsta X a lot lately, which is really nice. They're THE kpop boy band to me, and I have a lot of affection for them, it feels really great to be feeling connected to them again.

Speaking of kpop, I listened to the newest WayV album and I thought it was nice. I'm not crazy about it, but some of the songs were pretty fun. I liked Rodeo a lot, the instrumental scratches a big itch for me.

I'm also going shopping tomorrow, pretty excited about that.