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this week has been rather uneventful so far.
i've been making my way through all the shows i've been watching and rewatching, which has been fairly fun. the biggest one right now for me is deifnitely house md. i was really obsessed with it when i was younger and it's been really fun revisiting it and getting to know the characters all over again. it's still so good.
i've been really struggling to stabilize by sleep schedule and that then really messes up my whole routine because i wake up really tired and really late. so i'm trying to get that sorted out. i have been feeling a bit depressed lately though. i feel like i'm never going to figure things out and like i will always be dysfunctional and that just... sucks.
it makes me think about killing myself. not seriously, but the thought keeps popping up in my head, as it always does when i feel hopeless. but i'm clinging to my sanity and trying to remember not to give up on myself.
in happier news, these past few weeks i've been talking a lot to someone i share a discord server with and i wouldn't necessarily say we've gotten close but we've been getting along really well and it's been nice seeing us form an actual friendship. i always felt like they kinda disliked me? so it's been surprising realizing that's not the case.
speaking of friends though, i've recently had to put an end to a friendship that i realized was becoming too difficult to keep. this is a person i've been having really severe issues with for a very long time and i've just recently come to the conclusion that we are not compatible and that they need help that i can't give them. it sucks, but i felt it was for the best. i feel really anxious because they haven't seen the message yet and i'm afraid they will react poorly when they see it.
i've been getting really into lucid dreaming lately too. ever since i was a kid i've had my fair share of lucid dreams and i've always wanted to develop that skill more. that friend from the discord server i mentioned also expressed an interest in it so we've been trying to learn more about it and have been sharing our dreams with each other. i'm honestly pretty excited about this, because this gives me the perfect excuse to practice lucid dreaming consistently. we'll see how that goes, and if i have any interesting experiences i will definitely share them here.
i've been making my way through all the shows i've been watching and rewatching, which has been fairly fun. the biggest one right now for me is deifnitely house md. i was really obsessed with it when i was younger and it's been really fun revisiting it and getting to know the characters all over again. it's still so good.
i've been really struggling to stabilize by sleep schedule and that then really messes up my whole routine because i wake up really tired and really late. so i'm trying to get that sorted out. i have been feeling a bit depressed lately though. i feel like i'm never going to figure things out and like i will always be dysfunctional and that just... sucks.
it makes me think about killing myself. not seriously, but the thought keeps popping up in my head, as it always does when i feel hopeless. but i'm clinging to my sanity and trying to remember not to give up on myself.
in happier news, these past few weeks i've been talking a lot to someone i share a discord server with and i wouldn't necessarily say we've gotten close but we've been getting along really well and it's been nice seeing us form an actual friendship. i always felt like they kinda disliked me? so it's been surprising realizing that's not the case.
speaking of friends though, i've recently had to put an end to a friendship that i realized was becoming too difficult to keep. this is a person i've been having really severe issues with for a very long time and i've just recently come to the conclusion that we are not compatible and that they need help that i can't give them. it sucks, but i felt it was for the best. i feel really anxious because they haven't seen the message yet and i'm afraid they will react poorly when they see it.
i've been getting really into lucid dreaming lately too. ever since i was a kid i've had my fair share of lucid dreams and i've always wanted to develop that skill more. that friend from the discord server i mentioned also expressed an interest in it so we've been trying to learn more about it and have been sharing our dreams with each other. i'm honestly pretty excited about this, because this gives me the perfect excuse to practice lucid dreaming consistently. we'll see how that goes, and if i have any interesting experiences i will definitely share them here.
