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For a while now, I've been aware that I have some really toxic one sided feelings towards a friend, and I really don't know what to do about it. I think I'm jealous. They have everything I wish I had, so I can't help but resent them, even if that's not their fault. It makes me feel like a really shitty friend! I keep thinking really mean things about them that I know I don't genuinely believe but in the moment I really feel them. It has created this sense of guilt for me, and I don't know what to do with that.
I think part of it is also that we used to be so much closer and I miss that terribly. I don't think we value each other as much as we used to, and I think that has played into the resentment I've been feeling.
But the thing is, we still get along, and I still love them, and nothing in the way I behave with them has really changed, so they have no way of knowing I feel like this. That makes me feel like maybe it's not that big of a deal. I'm not letting those temporary feelings affect how I act with them, so maybe it's not something to be worried about.
Either way, it does disturb me. A part of me really wants to bring it up with my therapist but I guess I feel ashamed.
I think part of it is also that we used to be so much closer and I miss that terribly. I don't think we value each other as much as we used to, and I think that has played into the resentment I've been feeling.
But the thing is, we still get along, and I still love them, and nothing in the way I behave with them has really changed, so they have no way of knowing I feel like this. That makes me feel like maybe it's not that big of a deal. I'm not letting those temporary feelings affect how I act with them, so maybe it's not something to be worried about.
Either way, it does disturb me. A part of me really wants to bring it up with my therapist but I guess I feel ashamed.
