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i hate talking about loneliness with my online friends because they really dont get it. im not insecure and then that causes me to not make friends, im insecure because i cannot make friends irl.
when i say i do not have irl friends i legitimately mean none. not a single one. all my other online friends, even if they arent super outgoing DO have friends irl, and im sorry, if thats the case you do not understand the trauma of going years without forming close bonds irl.
it is isolating. it is embarrassing. its a deeply sad experience.
i can rationalize it, to some extent. i havent really had any opportunity to socialize in years, it just hasnt worked out. but theres also some issues that are more than situational. i am a weird person, objectively speaking. i dont read social cues well, i dont tend to feel interested by most people, the reality is i am not very compatible with most people. this doesnt mean theres something wrong with me, but people like me will struggle to form friendships, companionship is never a guarantee but especially not for people who arent easy to click with. this is why making online friends has been easier, because i can find people in tune with my interests and ideas much more easily. and even then, i still struggle to really connect with others. imagine how fucking hard it is to find people im compatible with in real life.
so i hate talking about it with friends because they always boil it down to being insecure. i know im funny and smart and interesting, but the average person does not think that! and that is morally neutral in itself, but i also dont like being lied to and being told that its just in my head. it isnt!
when i say i do not have irl friends i legitimately mean none. not a single one. all my other online friends, even if they arent super outgoing DO have friends irl, and im sorry, if thats the case you do not understand the trauma of going years without forming close bonds irl.
it is isolating. it is embarrassing. its a deeply sad experience.
i can rationalize it, to some extent. i havent really had any opportunity to socialize in years, it just hasnt worked out. but theres also some issues that are more than situational. i am a weird person, objectively speaking. i dont read social cues well, i dont tend to feel interested by most people, the reality is i am not very compatible with most people. this doesnt mean theres something wrong with me, but people like me will struggle to form friendships, companionship is never a guarantee but especially not for people who arent easy to click with. this is why making online friends has been easier, because i can find people in tune with my interests and ideas much more easily. and even then, i still struggle to really connect with others. imagine how fucking hard it is to find people im compatible with in real life.
so i hate talking about it with friends because they always boil it down to being insecure. i know im funny and smart and interesting, but the average person does not think that! and that is morally neutral in itself, but i also dont like being lied to and being told that its just in my head. it isnt!
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Date: 2025-03-24 02:40 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2025-04-05 01:58 am (UTC)From:no subject
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