![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i give up.
i have, once again, fallen down the toxic habit of trying to hunt down my groomer online. for what purpose? i don't know. i guess i just... really want to know what they're up to. keeping an eye on them feels like it would give me a sense of security.
but i cannot find anything meaningful, and i feel like an idiot for being so obsessed. i feel genuinely terrible everytime i think of them. i keep having fantasies about ruining their life by making everyone aware of the kind of shitty person they were. but that's not going to happen. i need to find closure some other way. i need to move the fuck on, do something more productive with my feelings than... this.
i hope wherever they are, they feel like fucking shit about themselves. i hope the thought of me makes them sick with guilt. but if i can't have that, and i can't, i need to still find a way to be happy.
i have, once again, fallen down the toxic habit of trying to hunt down my groomer online. for what purpose? i don't know. i guess i just... really want to know what they're up to. keeping an eye on them feels like it would give me a sense of security.
but i cannot find anything meaningful, and i feel like an idiot for being so obsessed. i feel genuinely terrible everytime i think of them. i keep having fantasies about ruining their life by making everyone aware of the kind of shitty person they were. but that's not going to happen. i need to find closure some other way. i need to move the fuck on, do something more productive with my feelings than... this.
i hope wherever they are, they feel like fucking shit about themselves. i hope the thought of me makes them sick with guilt. but if i can't have that, and i can't, i need to still find a way to be happy.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-03 01:14 am (UTC)From: